Round 7, Day 1

Here's Johnny!

Round 7, Day 1
Day One in IVF-speak is just a fancy way of saying you got your period. It marks the start (Day One) of your round. And if you're really lucky, it also marks day one of your pregnancy, even though (for a frozen round) your little embryo is on ice in a vat somewhere. Isn't that weird? The first month of a round of IVF is a veritable Schrodinger's pregnancy, where you're kind of half-pregnant until they transfer the embryo and then three-quarters-pregnant until the final blood test. Even then you can't get really excited until they tell you your "numbers" are doubling nicely. I'm still confused as to when you're allowed to say you're all the way pregnant. It can really mess with your mind.
Anyway, so Day One: what you do is you call your fertility clinic, tell them Aunt Flo has rocked up, and they say something like, "That's lovely, Mrs. MoneyTree. Exactly what time did you notice you'd ruined your favourite underwear? Mmm hmmm. So why don't you come into the clinic so we can push an internal wand into your privates, shove a needle in your arm, dole you out some pretty blue pills, make you sign away your right to sue us and give us our first chance at emptying your bank account?" and you say, "Oh yes that would be lovely, thank you so much for the kind offer. Does tomorrow work for you?". Technically even though my period started last night, they tell me that TODAY is day one because of the timing. Whatevs - mine is not to question why.
And so I clear my schedule for tomorrow morning for a date with a condom-sheathed light sabre wielded by a kindly middle-aged technician, check the balance on my credit card and throw down some ibuprofen for the wicked cramps. Hashtag endometriosis.
Takeaways and a hot water bottle tonight. The most action I've had in weeks tomorrow. I might even wear my fancy undies.

---