Round 7, Day 32

I had clinical confirmation of BFN by noon.

I've been emotional today, but mostly - and I wasn't expecting this - with gratitude. This result reinforces to me what a miracle Offspring is. My disappointment in not being able to give my baby a sibling is vastly overshadowed by gratitude for what I have, which is less than some but more than so many.

And I know this is a weird perspective when we had our baby 2 rounds ago but it's like the entirety of the seven rounds was what it took. And so I feel oddly overwhelmed with gratitude.


The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

- One Art, Elizabeth Bishop

Tound 7, Day 31

Final blood test tomorrow. I'm still 99% sure all I'll be left with is my battered abdomen and a giant vodka martini. Having said that I had weird double leg cramps all night last night. No other symptoms though. But it just helps stoke the fire of hope, oh maybe one day I'll be talking about how odd it was that I had hardly any symptoms for this pregnancy and I didn't even get a positive pregnancy test until the day of the blood test! *eyeroll*